you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
