Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
