im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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