just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
