O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
