i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
