I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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