He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
