She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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