I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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