How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
