Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
