I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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