This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
