I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
