We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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