Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
