my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
