I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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