Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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