you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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