My underwear smells like fireworks.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have aggressive nipples.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
