Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
