Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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