The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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