At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
