your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
