I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
