They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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