Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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