Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
