my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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