I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
