Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
