he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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