Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
