ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
