I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
