Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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