At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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