you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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