she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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