U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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