i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
