My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
