I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
