Betty ford says i'm here all night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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