I wanna passion pit in your ass
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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