got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
