seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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