she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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