she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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