I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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