And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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