remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
