the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
from now on my penis is your penis
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
