i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
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For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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