I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
