Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
