Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
