I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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