I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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