At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
