you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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