he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
