He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
