In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
