I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
