Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
