I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
