why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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