Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
