Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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