Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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