This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
