just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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